Putting Color in Medieval Movies With My Magic Goggles

Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just put on a pair of goggles and then suddenly all your favorite TV shows and movies are rewatchable again with new life and color? Well, that’s exactly what these “Modern Sickness Eraser Goggles” were designed to do.

These goggles are one of a kind, developed with the latest image filtering technology. They can turn Timothée Chalamet’s drab colorless armor in The King (2019) into something colorful that actually has heraldry on it. They can turn King John from Ironclad (2011) into someone that actually looks regal like a king is supposed to. They can even add Lincoln green tights onto Robin Hood in The Death of Robin Hood (2026) and make it all about a movie celebrating his life rather than projecting modern sickness onto the past. Because, of course, the goggles’ main goal isn’t just to make everything as historically accurate as possible; it doesn’t translate everyone into Old English or shrink the size of the horses. The goggles’ main objective is to simply siphon out the modern unhappiness, to make the heraldry colorful and the themes virtuous so that the spirit of the Middle Ages is celebrated as opposed to the sickness of our modern times.

To see what these goggles are really capable of, though, join me in this exhibition and we’ll take a look at some of these before-and-after stills. By the end, I’m sure you’ll wish these goggles were actually real and not just satire. Let’s take a look!

As you can see from these results, these goggles do a tremendous job filtering out the depressing modern vibes and inserting the colorful history back into medieval cinema. I know this tool isn’t for everyone, especially because the goggles aren’t very comfortable for long-term use. They don’t fit over my ears very well and it kind of hurts wearing them too long but I’m sure that’ll be fixed with some upcoming updates. Eventually they should make an app that just connects to the TV but for now I’m certainly going to take these goggles over the alternative every time.

I know these goggles aren’t available for the public yet but here’s what I’ll do: tell me what you want to watch in the comments. I’ll consider taking a look and make more before-and-after comparisons. So recommend what I should watch with these goggles next!